rabbitindisguise

Researching more about nendoroid dolls feels like an inevitable whirlpool into the rabbithole that is “making doll clothes.” Like bruh I don't even make REGULAR clothes and now I'm tempting fate and considering getting into a hobby with a heavy temptation to make all the wildest clothes of my imagination? Historical clothes? Costumes? Frilly dresses I would never wear but like aesthetically???

I've consoled myself about this by making a wishlist I'll never open again to contain the yearning. Oh, and I ended up doing enough adulting things that I feel reasonably in control of my life but unfortunately I'm like, way behind on chores as a result and I was up until 7 a.m. earlier last night because the vibes were wrong idk. Tomorrow I need to work on hecking. Backing up tumblr my own way using the github method because the backup through the blog exporter just failed. I might email staff about it if I feel ambitious but I'm worried that'll just draw attention to myself. Best to not if I can try it my way.

Other irrelevant nonsense is making an account on a pen related forum, recycling all my recyclables, and discovering that my hair looks nicer when I comb it. I am being such an adult I'm impressed with myself. Honestly I'm surprised I'm blogging here and keeping up with wafrn and dreamwidth at all because I usually bounce after an indeterminate amount of time. It helps that I'm using them all for specific purposes and tumblr is running parallel to all of them. I can't even say they're distracting me from tumblr, because they're mostly distracting me from “stare into space while youtube plays in the background on loop” time.

That does remind me though, I did have a perilous run in with a new therapist that I may or may not stick with. She uses some therapy technique that doesn't vibe with me at all and the other one that I'm there for requires a lot of trust to build up first. Just a complicated situation all around. The worst part about these situations is that I need to self advocate but it's on a cooldown of “until the next appointment” which is in 2 weeks. Forever thankful that my psychiatrist is awesome. We're meeting this friday and I'll just have to be like “I'm in the soup” but in a normal way of saying that because man, it has been a week. A year. A life.

o|-< a life.

Anyways brb shaking sense into myself- I do have lots of positive things going on. I found a book about the history of ink on the forums, have 60+ weaving books to read on my nook, and my inks arrived in the mail forever ago so I can ink up my pens whenever. I'm considering buying a ultrasonic cleaner so I might try that on my suffering platinum preppy that I so neglected 2 times in a row first? Or empty my penlux -_– okay this is trending towards the negative because I don't want to think about the filling mechanism. I do want to think about how next month I'm going to probably get some weaving supplies. I think 1 heddle and 1 blanket. Storing crafting materials for my loom is a problem for future me (or should be. I'm already imagining wall mounted pegs for cones).

Other exciting things is that there's nothing really stopping me from becoming a hermit and consuming a truck load of anime at any moment. Aside from the one social event this weekend. And visiting someone tomorrow. Excluding those two immediate things it's not an issue. I haven't been doing it because I felt bad mentally and then I felt worse because I stopped watching my beloved anime, and the cycle just cycles idk I don't even work here. I have a heache. I should go to bed. Goodnight internet o/ sleep well ✨

head in hands have I just gotten worse . . . ?? at HTML? can twelve year old me best 25+ year old me at coding?

honestly probably. I don't know how to take that.

Sometimes the thing you* really need is the perspective that comes with painstakingly fixing one glaring problem in a draft of a post one paragraph and alphabetical/chronological decision at a time

Other times you wish you had started writing this when you have more braincells available so the following research into when you started watching what wasn't goop <3 and sometimes. Those are the same times. Concurrently. Co-occurently? Coincidingly?? Co . . . hm.

*apparently doing do much adulting followed by tallying up my various fandoms has put the post in second person, which could mean nothing about my mental state I'm sure

I did several things and in fact way more than I expected having started so late in the day. It made me realize just how anxious not doing something made me, and also that the source of my anxiety wasn't actually the tasks themselves so there will be different steps to alleviate that later on.

Buy yay! Success!! It's now midnight so I'm going to go to bed. Pleased with how useful this blog is for liveblogging rapidfire style in a way that won't interrupt feeds like social media usually does (tumblr, fediverse, dw, etc). More pleased that I did anything at all. I feel like my brain was a pressure cooker of stress and now I need to take my migraine medication again, alas.

I have to do several tasks today:

Name change – figure out what steps, what order, what agencies, what order, and what steps I have to do – update documents applications – send documents to be printed to discord > phone > printer at the library – submit online so I can't be a coward and back out of it

Do Housing stuff [chihuahua tremble of fear] – collect information for housing for the previous three years from leases – apply to more waitlists that are open – apply to pre-screenings – check landlord portal – oh hey that's not actually that bad

back up massive side blog – clear out space by migrating downloads/ebooks folders into – clear phone storage – clear out all games – set up to start running for multiple days, oh god

I have to do several tasks, it is 8:34 p.m. and I want to do none of those steps. And yet somehow we persist.

The overwhelming thing about the internet is not just the Good Things but the pressure of responsibilities that exist even when you're trying to relax. The all consuming fear that the emails will find you, and by then it will have already been too late to attempt the things that would have stopped them. No matter what you should stop doing the Fun Things that are less fun anyways and do Awful Terrible Stressful things instead. Always. And forever.

In conclusion: sad emoji

Getting settled with my dreamwidth, wafrn, and write.as account! Not sure if I'm doing an intro post or something here or just freeform blogging as usual.